This week has been the week of all weeks. It has been a week full of beauties and horrors, new friends and important lessons. It has been a life changing week, one which has me waking up every morning feeling like a completely new person. I know this blog is generally supposed to be about my obsession with women musicians, but today, I want to share my story with you folks, dammit!
Let me break this down:
On Sunday, I celebrated my 21st birthday
I’m not much of a drinker. In fact, I’ve never been drunk. I realize that this is slightly abnormal for someone my age, but I have learned on my time on this planet that booze does little good. This mindset, however was overpowered by the allure of, “21! 21! 21!”
I got so drunk that I only remember bits and pieces of things.
I remember the absinthe and thinking it was much too complex for a drunk to prepare
I remember my teeth and lips going numb
I remember picking out lots of books about lesbians at a book store
I remember stumbling out of the shady lady and needing to use the bathroom
I remember going into Old Ironsides ONLY to use that bathroom
I remember stopping at the bar for ONE DRINK ONLY! ONLY ONE!
I remember having more than one
I remember sitting at the bar, talking to old men about how much I dislike my ex-boyfriend and Matisyahu
I remember being told that all of the famous writers were drunks
I remember telling myself to remember that the next time a bartender says, “It tastes like a Girl Scout Cookie!”, RUN. My god, RUN.
I remember telling everyone to stop treating me like i’m a child and then hugging the bartender
I remember falling on the ground several times
I remember being told I couldn’t use that restaurants bathroom because I was too drunk, so getting angry and barfing in front of their big glass window where all of their customers can see.
I remember the neon green puke
I remember talking to my sisters dog and spooning with one of my best friends while she tried to eat her pizza
I remember the pizza being Hawaiian
I remember filling up buckets and Safeway bags with bile
I remember talking about how much I love Marina and My nephew and saying how much I meant everything I was saying. And I really did. Marina is like a sister to me.
I remember My friend buying me a huge coffee and wanting to throw it out the window because it smelled like rot
And the next morning, I remember barfing in the bathroom of Naked Lounge Coffee House, and then dry heaving in the parking lot of Oscars Mexican food.
That was my first time, and surely the last time I will ever drink. I know, I know. Everyone says “I am never drinking again!” but I WILL NEVER DRINK AGAIN. However, after that experience, I feel better than ever. I’m still sort of recovering from that night, but for some strange reason, it opened my eyes to so much. I appreciate soberness much more, and the natural beauty of life. I cannot imagine being an alcoholic like some of my very loved ones are. I can’t imagine living in that hell.
30 mile bike ride
I rode 30 miles with some old friends and new friends. WE DID IT! It was seriously amazing, and the most fun I have had in a loooong time. That laughter wouldn’t cease, and everyone had a permanent smile pasted on their face for the entire day. We rode through the rain at one point, the thick drops slapped our eyeballs and smudged our sunglasses while the wind tried to overtake our bicycle frames. We were sweaty, smelly, wet with rain and a little tired, but the state of our spirits could not be unscathed….well, unless one of us was hit by a car or something. Days like this make me step back and be thankful for everything. even people who I have heavily disliked seem to have melted out of my mind. I’m not really mad at anyone right now, life goes on. All my exes, my parents, Bush, Matisyahu, snakes and spiders, all of that stuff that I used to hold strong opinions about. It makes me look at the sky, every person I pass, every person in my life and all they do and have nothing but love for all of it. It makes me feel human.
Even as I sit in this here coffee shop, where everyone is serious and glued to their computer screens (me included), I am able to look at every one of them and find something to giggle about. Everything is funny if you think about it. The world and the beings in it are just plain funny. The complexities in each and every one of the skulls of each and every one of the beings dwelling in this coffee shop is something i can hardly fathom. Ok, now I’m ranting.
So. I’m hoping I can sustain all of this love business for the long-term.
I love you.